How to pleasure a woman (part 2): The environment

Sometimes, external aspects of her life can negatively affect her feelings. She could be stressed out or tired from work, from worry about a sick child, etc. The same is true for you. You could come across as less passionate because you have other things on your mind. Watch out for these things.

Then there is the place (or places) where you have sex. Are they comfortable, do they support the mood you're trying to create (could be cozy and private, or exciting and daring). Even seemingly small factors, like a messy versus a clean bedroom or bathroom can make a big difference. Here's an extreme example: Broad daylight, thin walls, kids next door, a squeaky bed, and the neighbors having a loud argument. Such an environment makes it hard or impossible to focus on your sexual experience.

While we normally wouldn’t say that we’re very focused during sex, we’re are actually extremely focused. When you’re having great sex, you forget everything around you, you don’t feel time passing, and there is just you, your partner, and the moment. How much more focused can you get? It’s a big part of what can make sex so healthy and relaxing: You get to take a break from everything else in your life and just indulge in the moment. Psychologists talk about “being in flow”, more commonly called “being in the zone”, or “being in the groove”.

Creating the conditions for relaxed focus and flow are a huge part of successfully pleasuring a woman. Removing any major distractions is a requirement for a great sexual experience, whether it's getting rid of a squeaky bed or you stopping to think about your credit card bills.